I don’t normally post my thoughts on the internet, unless it is joyful. I want people to be able to speak positively into someone’s day. So wholeheartedly sharing what is the heaviest on my soul is difficult for me. It doesn’t always come with joy. It sometimes comes in the form of sadness, anxiety and depression. AND occasionally I post things that only makes sense to the “voices in my head” so to speak.
This is hard for everyone. This. Is. Hard.
I don’t feel my kids are a burden to be with daily. This time at where ever they are in their life is so precious and every single day it passes without the chance to get it back. I cannot redo THIS or make memories with them once they have closed their eyes to sleep. I really and truly believe spending time with them right now will make them better human beings tomorrow.
My heart has never been fuller than it is at this moment. Lord how things are put into perspective when you are forced to slow down and see the world in front of you for what it really is. The shift in what is truly important to you becomes evident. The whole time prior to this I was thinking “I just don’t have time.” This is the biggest lie I have told myself in the past because I couldn’t get my own priorities in order. I was putting all my eggs in one basket and someone forgot to tell me there was a hole in the bottom. Had I actually slowed down long enough to address the actual issue I could have made some of those eggs into chickens!!
Some of you may know how I got started in photography. I have dabbled in and out of it since 2006. In 2018 I FINALLY got up the confidence to make it into a business. I am a creative person. This business thing is the biggest hurdle for me. Creative people are just not business oriented. Well let me speak for me. THIS creative person isn’t business oriented. I want to do such a good job for every person who blesses me with the opportunity that I mentally overwhelm myself to the point anxiety starts to cripple me.
Why is this happening to me? Why me? Why can’t I just do what I love and be okay without wanting to quit every 5 seconds? Turns out with this new time on my hands to think… I have never patched the hole in my basket. I want to take everyday images of my kids that makes my heart sing and share those without worrying over deadlines, finances and if someone is going to hate what I create for their memories.
Since hindsight is 20/20 (pun intended) I have to make some changes this year for me and the family. I will be limiting the sessions and weddings I take even further so I can focus on picking wild flowers in a random field with my daughter and spending massive amounts of time on the play station being social with my son. Going on an actual spur of the moment Saturday night date with my husband because it just works for our schedule.
3 years ago I opened this business for them. I have to give more time to them. So when you see me not posting on social media everyday and filling your feed with all these lovely pictures it is because I am finally looking into the faces of the people that I love and creating my own memories with them. Please forgive the recent silence on social media and random personal posts with crazy editing. I am merely flexing my creative muscles and healing my soul.
Current status: working on me.